So you want to raise a responsible child …
January 20th, 2012 - Category: Kids and Responsibility
You hear it all the time, “I just want my kids to be responsible.” What does that mean to you? Better yet, what does it mean to your child? Sometimes I wonder if my kids and I speak the same language. Instructions that are perfectly clear to me do not always get the result I was hoping for. Does that ever happen at your house?
Let’s take a closer look at the word “responsible.” It means being answerable or accountable for something within one’s power, such as a list of “chores” to be done. However, in order to be accountable, the child needs to know what exactly what is expected. How many times have you sent a child to clean their room and when you go to inspect it you wonder how they thought it qualified as being clean? We need to be very specific in what we see the end result as being so that our child will know when the chore is completed. Having their chores listed on their online job chart makes being accountable easy. Being able to check off completed chores gives your child a sense of accomplishment.
The best way to help a child understand what they need to do is for the parent to work alongside of their child at first, showing them the way and giving them tips on how to get the job done. It’s like giving them a “lesson” first. That way everyone knows what is expected. Just don’t expect more than is reasonable. Having attainable goals and the prospect of earning a reward will keep your child enthusiastic about doing his or her jobs.
Making the chores age-appropriate is also important. This is where you will find My Job Chart helpful. With the use of the icons even young children can be assigned simple chores. It’s wise not to overwhelm or over-schedule children of any age.
If you are new to My Job Chart or even if you have been utilizing our system for some time, you will find useful tips on how to best set up and maintain a workable program for your child on the main site and in previous posts on this blog, particularly in “Making the Most of My Job Chart.”
Now, let’s try tweaking that word, “responsible.” You can also think of it as “response – able.” Able to respond; most parents want to raise children that are caring, compassionate, helpful, innovative and dependable. If a child can learn to see what is needed (someone needs help, a mess needs to be cleaned up, etc.) and respond to it without being asked, they are becoming “response – able.” When they realize they’ve made a mistake and their first reaction is to apologize and try to make amends, they are becoming “response – able.” These traits are learned as children observe their parents behave in this manner and as they have opportunities to do the same. Having a system in place where kids are accountable on a regular basis for completing tasks will go far in helping them to become responsible now and in the years to come.
Should You Reward a Job Half Done?
February 23rd, 2011 - Category: Kids and Responsibility
Let’s face it…as children, most of us tried to get away with doing a minimum amount of work. And to some degree that tendency sticks with us through adulthood. So is it difficult to understand your children when they don’t perform in their chores as well as we would like?
If you’re like most families, then you’ve certainly dealt with children who want to do less than a perfect job. Instead they attempt to hide toys under their bed or in the closets. They might wipe counters with water and neglect to use a cleaning agent. Or perhaps they pull the most obvious weeds and leave those hidden weeds to be handled by someone else later.
So the question of the day is…should you reward a job half done or partially done? Will “partial” work teach your children responsibility and make a worthy contribution to your household? We’d suggest its okay to do so. But perhaps you’ll consider these stipulations:
The reward should be far less appealing than a job well done. Let’s say that a typical reward for a completed job is worth 30 points in the online job chart. Rather than giving 15 points for a job half done, offer 7 or 8 instead. Let your child know that part of responsibility is seeing something finished to the end.
The child should have the chance to complete the job fully. Every child has tough days once in awhile. A decision to do half a job today may well be regretted tomorrow. Especially once the child realizes how many points or the reward they may lose out on. Seeing the consequences may teach a child penance and renew their sense of responsibility.
Continued irresponsibility should be discouraged with natural consequences. If your child is in the habit of half-completing their responsibilities, reward them less and less. If a partially completed job would usually gain 8 points, drop them to 6 the next time the child fails to complete the same chore. If done again, 4 points should be sufficient.
More than anything, you want your children to learn responsibility. But showing some sympathy when your child’s natural tendency is not to work may even be beneficial to your child. Just be sure you lead them toward making more responsible choices in the future.
How to Create an Age-Appropriate Chore Chart
January 31st, 2011 - Category: Kids and Responsibility
You wouldn’t put a 5-year old behind a lawn-mower. And cleaning their room should be something your older children do without being asked. But when putting a chore chart together, determining the right jobs can be a challenge. Especially if you reward your children for the jobs they do.
So how do you create an age-appropriate chore chart that your whole family will benefit from? Well, as you create your chore chart, there are two important questions to consider:
Is my child old enough to safely and effectively complete this chore?
Is this chore challenging enough to teach my child responsibility?
Safe and Effective
Because each child varies in maturity level and because boys and girls will develop different skills at different stages…it’s impossible to pinpoint when a child is old enough to wash the dishes, fold the laundry, or cook a meal.
So start out slowly.
One place to begin is with the child’s own possessions. Even a toddler can learn to put their toys away. Young children should be taught clean up their toys, put away their cloths, and feed any pets that may belong to them. Chore charts with pictures and stickers can be used to help track their progress.
As they master their own things, you can next move to risk-free, household tasks. For example, watering the plants is a suitable next step because spilled water won’t hurt anything.
Assigning risk-free chores may take some patience. Sweeping and dusting are risk-free tasks, but the first dozen times your child dusts, you can bet they’ll miss spots. Be willing to spend some time by their side as they learn to effectively clean bathrooms, dust shelves, and sort laundry.
Once you think they’re ready for more demanding chores, frequently test your child’s level of strength, attentiveness, and responsibility. Let your 9 year-old son take a quick turn with the lawnmower under your supervision. If he seems capable, let him try again. If not, wait another year and then make a second attempt. Your 7 year-old daughter may be anxious to help in the kitchen. Try allowing her to make sandwiches, have her crack eggs as you bake, and let her stir the big pot on the stove. Accidents or near accidents may be a sign that she’s not yet ready to be left alone with hot appliances.
By watching your child’s progress carefully, you’ll be able to gage when they’re ready for something new.
But as a word of caution…pushing a child to complete certain chores before they are ready can be dangerous, discouraging, and may leave you with work that needs to be redone. And you’ll be wondering why you even have a chore chart.
Having your children complete chores can certainly take a weight off your already busy schedule. But the benefits of a chore chart far exceed the help you’re receiving. By teaching your children to complete chores, you are preparing them for their future. A son or daughter whose only responsibility growing up is to take out the trash is going to experience a rude awakening when they leave home for the first time.
Learn to challenge your children. Hold them accountable for the work they do. What you’ll find is that most youth thrive on responsibility. Sure, they’re going to whine and complain about having to work, but they’ll feel a greater sense of self-worth as you provide them with opportunities to prove their competence.
If a chore chart is too easy, your children may see it as a nuisance. Let your children see the value they provide in your home by giving them chores they alone can be responsible for. And then reward them accordingly.
More than likely, it’s going to take some time to find that happy balance between pushing your children to do more and making sure the work is done safely and effectively. But keep communication open. Ask your children how they feel and what chores they would like to try. And soon your house will be running smoothly.