So you want to raise a responsible child …
January 20th, 2012 - Category: Kids and Responsibility
You hear it all the time, “I just want my kids to be responsible.” What does that mean to you? Better yet, what does it mean to your child? Sometimes I wonder if my kids and I speak the same language. Instructions that are perfectly clear to me do not always get the result I was hoping for. Does that ever happen at your house?
Let’s take a closer look at the word “responsible.” It means being answerable or accountable for something within one’s power, such as a list of “chores” to be done. However, in order to be accountable, the child needs to know what exactly what is expected. How many times have you sent a child to clean their room and when you go to inspect it you wonder how they thought it qualified as being clean? We need to be very specific in what we see the end result as being so that our child will know when the chore is completed. Having their chores listed on their online job chart makes being accountable easy. Being able to check off completed chores gives your child a sense of accomplishment.
The best way to help a child understand what they need to do is for the parent to work alongside of their child at first, showing them the way and giving them tips on how to get the job done. It’s like giving them a “lesson” first. That way everyone knows what is expected. Just don’t expect more than is reasonable. Having attainable goals and the prospect of earning a reward will keep your child enthusiastic about doing his or her jobs.
Making the chores age-appropriate is also important. This is where you will find My Job Chart helpful. With the use of the icons even young children can be assigned simple chores. It’s wise not to overwhelm or over-schedule children of any age.
If you are new to My Job Chart or even if you have been utilizing our system for some time, you will find useful tips on how to best set up and maintain a workable program for your child on the main site and in previous posts on this blog, particularly in “Making the Most of My Job Chart.”
Now, let’s try tweaking that word, “responsible.” You can also think of it as “response – able.” Able to respond; most parents want to raise children that are caring, compassionate, helpful, innovative and dependable. If a child can learn to see what is needed (someone needs help, a mess needs to be cleaned up, etc.) and respond to it without being asked, they are becoming “response – able.” When they realize they’ve made a mistake and their first reaction is to apologize and try to make amends, they are becoming “response – able.” These traits are learned as children observe their parents behave in this manner and as they have opportunities to do the same. Having a system in place where kids are accountable on a regular basis for completing tasks will go far in helping them to become responsible now and in the years to come.
Are Job Charts a Gateway to Future Careers?
December 7th, 2011 - Category: Teaching Kids to Work
Okay, we may be stretching this one a little bit. But consider for a moment the possibility that getting your kids to work with an online job chart might easily be preparing them for life in the corporate world.
If you’re like us, you sometimes lament the decline in education. It seems that most young people are unprepared for either college or a career. This may not be because students are lazy or lack intelligence. Sometimes, it’s the basic skills that are lacking. Many students have no idea how to organize, plan, and complete work.
But as someone who has been in the corporate world, you know it’s imperative to learn those skills. No matter what your job description may be, you’ll have a list of tasks that need to be completed. And oftentimes, you are the only one checking to make sure the work gets done. How and when those tasks get completed is often up to you. But that’s not the only way a job chart like MyJobChart.com is going to benefit your child in their future career.
Here are some other similarities:
It’s online – for those who are accustomed to taping a job chart to the fridge, this might be a big change. And it may seem extreme. After all, with a physical job chart, you just check off the box and you’re done. (Of course, then you have to come up with cash for allowance.) An online job chart may be a little bit more work to access. But when it’s online, you can do so much more. You can track what’s been done in the past, save, send, or spend your points, make fast changes to the chart, and learn online skills.
Most businesses have turned to some sort of tracking model. To keep everyone on task and collaborating, companies have adopted solutions like Basecamp or Zoho. Can you imagine how far ahead of the curve your children will be if they’ve tracked their chores on a similar program?
It’s their responsibility – your child has the chance to use their own special login to access their chores. Yes, you get access to their account and you’re notified with an email when rewards are earned. But for the most part, your children are responsible for checking what’s on their list, completing their work, and updating their account. Sound like something you’ve been doing in your job?
It gives your child choices – Myjobchart.com is a lot more complex than just finishing chores and putting a check mark next to it. In addition to completing chores, your child is rewarded with points that they can save, spend, or share by donating to charities. This gives them the chance to make choices for themselves. They’re responsible and as the parent you can work with them to make good choices and validate (or censor) their decisions. No, you’re not a boss, but you are the boss of your family and it’s important to know what choices your kids are making and why.
The truth of the matter is, a simple process like this one is teaching your children skills they may lack. You have chores that need to get done. Your children have skills that need to be learned. Why not try Myjobchart.com today?
Should Your Child Get a Summer Job?
May 31st, 2011 - Category: Teaching Kids to Work
Summer is here. And that means your children are going to want more money – a lot of money. There are movies to see, theme parks to visit, vacations to take, and a whole lot of activities to keep them busy. But unless you are willing to increase allowance for the chores your children are doing, you’ve got to come up with a money solution.
For older children, there is always the possibility of getting a summer job. But are summer jobs worth it? Are they valuable to your child without affecting the way your family functions.
We looked at some of the pros and cons of summer jobs.
Pros:
Your child learns “real world” responsibility. Even though your child has chores and other responsibilities around your home, there is nothing that can perfectly simulate what it’s like to work a job. With chores, your child can get them done on their own schedule. A job is not going to be so lenient. So it’s great for them to see what really happens.
You aren’t the one forking out money. If you were made of money, you may not mind giving a little more to your child. But most of us are on a budget. And paying your kids $20 to vacuum the floor and take out the trash is simply not realistic. Once your child has a paycheck coming in, they won’t pester you with money quite as much.
You won’t hear the “I’m bored” complaint. One of the biggest challenges of summer time is keeping your kids occupied. There never seem to be enough things to do. But once they have a job, there isn’t as much time to get bored. Which means…less t.v., less complaining, and less needs for money. You could even encourage your child to save some of the cash they’re bringing in.
Cons:
It could add to your busy schedule. If your child doesn’t have a car, you’ll find yourself driving around a little bit more as you get them to work on time. Plus, if you have younger children at home, you can no longer count on the older ones to help out. The free babysitting just went to work.
Your child may be less inclined to do their chores. Sure, work is important, but so is taking care of responsibilities around your home. And your children should be contributing to that effort. Once your child has a job, they may feel less inclined to do their chores. Or, they may put them off as long as they can. Not only does that develop bad habits, but the benefits of having a job are now offset by the lack of help you get at home.
You see less of your child. As difficult as having your kids at home for the summer can be, it’s also a great time to bond with your kids. Unless a job is imperative, you may not want your kids to get a job.
If a summer job is something you and your children are contemplating, then take a minute and talk through the options with them. Whatever choices you make, just be sure that your family is well taken care of and that your child knows family chores and responsibilities take precedence.
How to Let Young Children Help With Chores without Driving Yourself Crazy
April 19th, 2011 - Category: Teaching Kids to Work
You know the scene…you’re busy cleaning when your young toddler comes over to “help.” Perhaps you’re sweeping the floor when your child finds a second broom and helps by pushing your pile back around the floor. You might be baking cookies when your youngster chooses to help you by adding extra ingredients.
When your time is limited, it’s difficult to be patient. But stopping your child from helping may discourage future attempts. So how do you encourage positive behaviors (like voluntarily helping with chores) without going crazy?
Here are some ideas:
Give Them Their Own Space – if you’re sweeping, why not give your child a small space they are responsible for. Later, you can go back over that area. If you’re cooking, give a few “ingredients” to your youngster and see what they can cook up. By giving your child their own space, they can do the same job as you without getting in your way.
Have Them Complete A Different Job – rather than hand the vacuum over to your three year (because they think they’re old enough to handle it) you could hand them a rag and ask them to dust. Sure, you’ll be dusting later, but for now, your child is busy while you focus on getting those carpets clean.
Purchase Toy Cleaning Objects – some toys, like brooms or mops will only create a bigger mess. But if you want your child to find joy in doing “chores”, a toy vacuum or lawn mower are great toys that won’t create a bigger mess. Forts and tree houses can also be a place for your child to learn responsibility caring for their “homes.”
Learn to Do Your Own Serious Cleaning When You’re Alone – if you don’t mind showing your child how to properly do chores then let them take part in what you’re doing. It’s a good learning experience and really you can do your own cleaning anytime. If it’s something that needs your complete attention, then choose a time when your children are occupied or sleeping.
Stop What You’re Doing – in some cases, toddlers are simply interested in what you’re doing. If they attempt to help, stop what you’re doing, praise them for their work, and then wait until they tire of the chore. If you’re no longer doing the chore, your child will soon wander on their way. Then, you can get back to what you were doing. Just be sure you praise your child for a job well done as they are working.
Give Them Some Pointers – we keep going back to this example, but…if your child grabs a broom to help you out, you don’t have to stop and teach them how to sweep. (They probably wouldn’t follow your lead anyway.) Show them the door and have them sweep their piles out of it. They may actually get some dirt outside and it gives them a direction in which to stay focused rather than pushing things everywhere.
Toddlers and very young children are so sweet. They want to be helpful, and you want to cultivate that desire. But sometimes patience grows thin, especially if you are trying to work on a schedule.
With some of these ideas, perhaps you’ll find a win-win situation. Then, when they’re old enough for real chores, they’ll be more apt to do them. And we can give you a system for managing those chores at www.myjobchart.com.
Set Realistic Chores for Your Children
March 21st, 2011 - Category: Teaching Kids to Work
Just ask any kindergarten teacher – we don’t all grow and mature at the same age. In a class of thirty students, you may have a handful that know their letters, one or two who can read, and then a select few who are still just struggling to talk.
But you are not a kindergarten teacher, so how does this article relate to you? Well, as you assign your children chores and new responsibilities, keep in mind: they may not be ready to tackle the same challenges at the same age.
Just because your oldest child was doing their own laundry and even making dinner at age 10 doesn’t mean the next one will be responsible or mature enough to follow in their sibling’s footsteps.
Here are some ideas for making a chore chart “fair” when your children exhibit differing capabilities:
-Base your chore chart on “time of completion” versus a set number of chores. If your oldest child was asked to mow the lawn at age 10 and it took him/her 2 hours to complete, consider making that the only chore for the day. For a child who is less skilled at 10 years old, have them do several chores that would typically take them up to 2 hours to complete.
-Reward more advanced chores with better benefits. Similar to the work environment, more difficult work is typically rewarded with a higher salary or better benefits. As your children take on more strenuous tasks, increase their benefits (points if you are using MyJobChart.com). Your children will come to understand that as they try and develop the skills for tougher jobs, they too will be compensated accordingly.
-Add an optional “helper” chore. Helping those that need a little extra assistance is a great trait to learn. If one child struggles to complete their list of chores, give them the option of seeking out help from other siblings. Then reward those siblings for helping get the chores done. Of course, be sure to reward the first child for being responsible enough to get their tasks completed.
Trying to fit your children into a perfect mold can be frustrating to them. Each child is different, and your chore chart should take those differences into account. When a child can complete all they are asked to do, they will find a greater level of accomplishment and be more willing to help in the future.
If you haven’t set up a chore chart for your children yet, be sure to check out MyJobChart.com.
Should You Reward a Job Half Done?
February 23rd, 2011 - Category: Kids and Responsibility
Let’s face it…as children, most of us tried to get away with doing a minimum amount of work. And to some degree that tendency sticks with us through adulthood. So is it difficult to understand your children when they don’t perform in their chores as well as we would like?
If you’re like most families, then you’ve certainly dealt with children who want to do less than a perfect job. Instead they attempt to hide toys under their bed or in the closets. They might wipe counters with water and neglect to use a cleaning agent. Or perhaps they pull the most obvious weeds and leave those hidden weeds to be handled by someone else later.
So the question of the day is…should you reward a job half done or partially done? Will “partial” work teach your children responsibility and make a worthy contribution to your household? We’d suggest its okay to do so. But perhaps you’ll consider these stipulations:
The reward should be far less appealing than a job well done. Let’s say that a typical reward for a completed job is worth 30 points in the online job chart. Rather than giving 15 points for a job half done, offer 7 or 8 instead. Let your child know that part of responsibility is seeing something finished to the end.
The child should have the chance to complete the job fully. Every child has tough days once in awhile. A decision to do half a job today may well be regretted tomorrow. Especially once the child realizes how many points or the reward they may lose out on. Seeing the consequences may teach a child penance and renew their sense of responsibility.
Continued irresponsibility should be discouraged with natural consequences. If your child is in the habit of half-completing their responsibilities, reward them less and less. If a partially completed job would usually gain 8 points, drop them to 6 the next time the child fails to complete the same chore. If done again, 4 points should be sufficient.
More than anything, you want your children to learn responsibility. But showing some sympathy when your child’s natural tendency is not to work may even be beneficial to your child. Just be sure you lead them toward making more responsible choices in the future.
The Great Allowance Debate
February 15th, 2011 - Category: Teaching Kids to Work
As a parent, you want your child to be responsible, helpful, and a contributing member of your family. Giving your children chores to complete is an easy way to instill all these attributes. Not to mention the benefits of having someone else help you around the house.
But if you choose to assign your children chores, does that also mean you should be giving your children an allowance? Do chores and allowance go hand in hand? And will giving your kids allowance teach them new skills they wouldn’t learn from just completing their chores?
There are arguments both for and against giving allowance as a reward for completed chores. We’d like to review those arguments and present a possible solution of our own.
Cons:
-If a child has saved up their allowance, that may be reason enough for them to pass on their chores. When money is the motive for doing chores, children may choose to complete them when it meets their needs, not when it meets the needs of the family.
-No one wants a child who only acts when “bribed” to do so. Children who are paid an allowance may develop a habit of looking for the benefit of helping out. Wouldn’t you rather have a child who was naturally helpful.
-If children refuse to do their chores and are denied allowance, who suffers when they need money? Both of you. Because without fail, you’ll end up in an argument when they come begging for money from you.
Pros:
-Getting an allowance helps children to learn financial responsibility, how to save, and to value their own things more fully. But do you really want to “give” your child money every week just because? That’s hardly a realistic expectation for your children to learn.
-You’ve heard the old term “work before play”. By tying your child’s allowance to completed chores, you can help them develop a belief in the value of work – a great trait for the future.
-Rather than fighting with your children over getting their jobs done, you can let their allowance motivate them. As long as you can stick to your guns, a lack of money might be a good consequence for not doing what was asked of them.
Okay, so how do you reconcile the idea that a child should be a contributing member of the family (without bribery) with the notion that children need to learn the consequences of not working?
Well, we’ve got an idea. At MyJobChart.com, children can earn points for completing their chores. As a family, you can determine whether those points should be converted into financial benefits or converted into physical rewards. By creating a solution like this one, you take allowance out of the equation and still receive the following benefits:
-This system teaches children to both save and work toward greater rewards…a realistic comparison to real life.
-Children are responsible for monitoring and reporting on their own work so it’s not up to you to keep track of whether the child has completed their work or not.
-Rather than trying to produce cash for your child and watching them spend it (sometimes recklessly), you can create a system online for helping your children work toward a goal.
If you’re not comfortable with giving your child allowance, then why not try a rewards system like the one on MyJobChart.com? You may find a perfect solution to teaching your children responsibility without dealing with any of the negative consequences of allowance.
How to Create an Age-Appropriate Chore Chart
January 31st, 2011 - Category: Kids and Responsibility
You wouldn’t put a 5-year old behind a lawn-mower. And cleaning their room should be something your older children do without being asked. But when putting a chore chart together, determining the right jobs can be a challenge. Especially if you reward your children for the jobs they do.
So how do you create an age-appropriate chore chart that your whole family will benefit from? Well, as you create your chore chart, there are two important questions to consider:
Is my child old enough to safely and effectively complete this chore?
Is this chore challenging enough to teach my child responsibility?
Safe and Effective
Because each child varies in maturity level and because boys and girls will develop different skills at different stages…it’s impossible to pinpoint when a child is old enough to wash the dishes, fold the laundry, or cook a meal.
So start out slowly.
One place to begin is with the child’s own possessions. Even a toddler can learn to put their toys away. Young children should be taught clean up their toys, put away their cloths, and feed any pets that may belong to them. Chore charts with pictures and stickers can be used to help track their progress.
As they master their own things, you can next move to risk-free, household tasks. For example, watering the plants is a suitable next step because spilled water won’t hurt anything.
Assigning risk-free chores may take some patience. Sweeping and dusting are risk-free tasks, but the first dozen times your child dusts, you can bet they’ll miss spots. Be willing to spend some time by their side as they learn to effectively clean bathrooms, dust shelves, and sort laundry.
Once you think they’re ready for more demanding chores, frequently test your child’s level of strength, attentiveness, and responsibility. Let your 9 year-old son take a quick turn with the lawnmower under your supervision. If he seems capable, let him try again. If not, wait another year and then make a second attempt. Your 7 year-old daughter may be anxious to help in the kitchen. Try allowing her to make sandwiches, have her crack eggs as you bake, and let her stir the big pot on the stove. Accidents or near accidents may be a sign that she’s not yet ready to be left alone with hot appliances.
By watching your child’s progress carefully, you’ll be able to gage when they’re ready for something new.
But as a word of caution…pushing a child to complete certain chores before they are ready can be dangerous, discouraging, and may leave you with work that needs to be redone. And you’ll be wondering why you even have a chore chart.
Having your children complete chores can certainly take a weight off your already busy schedule. But the benefits of a chore chart far exceed the help you’re receiving. By teaching your children to complete chores, you are preparing them for their future. A son or daughter whose only responsibility growing up is to take out the trash is going to experience a rude awakening when they leave home for the first time.
Learn to challenge your children. Hold them accountable for the work they do. What you’ll find is that most youth thrive on responsibility. Sure, they’re going to whine and complain about having to work, but they’ll feel a greater sense of self-worth as you provide them with opportunities to prove their competence.
If a chore chart is too easy, your children may see it as a nuisance. Let your children see the value they provide in your home by giving them chores they alone can be responsible for. And then reward them accordingly.
More than likely, it’s going to take some time to find that happy balance between pushing your children to do more and making sure the work is done safely and effectively. But keep communication open. Ask your children how they feel and what chores they would like to try. And soon your house will be running smoothly.
Teaching Good Habits
December 9th, 2010 - Category: Teaching Kids to Work
It is said that you must do something for 21 days to turn it into a habit. How can we help our children to stick with something that long in order to develop good habits in them? There is the incentive in myjobchart.com to stick with your chores, but first you need to help your child develop the habit of checking the site every day and following through on their tasks. This is a conditioning phase.
What is a habit? When you learn something, your brain makes connections that create pathways for neurological activity. When you routinely perform the same actions, your brain learns this pattern of behavior and sets up a pathway. This pathway is a more efficient way for the brain to process the routine, as opposed to a new series of tasks. That is a habit.
Start by finding the best time of the day to have them log on to their chart. Try to make it a consistent time of day. It should be a time that they have enough time to check their chart and also to accomplish the chores. When cues like time of day, place and circumstances are the same in each case -it is easier to stick to. In the beginning you will have to remind them. You need to be their focus until they have learned to create that focus in themselves.
Make sure they are involved in picking their incentives. Of course as the parent you have the final say in their rewards, but it has to be something that they desire or they are going to fight you to do the work. At the same time, don’t try to do too much at first. You don’t want your child to be overwhelmed with the amount of chores. It is better to start light and add more tasks later on after the habit has been set.
Forgive them and yourself if you miss a day or two at the start. They aren’t perfect – neither are you. Just get back on track as soon as you realize you’ve forgotten. No sense in taking time to berate yourself or them. It takes time to become a habit. Punishing them for not following through teaches them about their faults not about how to make the habit stick.
Is there a habit you are trying to start? Maybe you could work on improving yourself in some way at the same time that you are helping them to form better habits. In this manner they are seeing you as an example. The best way to teach children good habits is by setting a good example. Setting good habits for kids and instilling values in your children go hand-in-hand, you can’t do one without the other. Good habits for kids will ensure that your child grows up to be a loving and caring person who is self-disciplined and thus will succeed in life.
Advice for Parents Struggling to Get Children to Work
March 2nd, 2010 - Category: Teaching Kids to Work
It is a popular complaint from parents today that they don’t feel like their children are engaged in as many work related activities as they were at the same age. Parents feel like they were put to work at younger ages and had much more responsibility than their kids do. A 2001 Time/CNN poll stated that 75 percent of American adults believe children today do fewer chores than did the children of 10 or 15 years earlier. Many parents struggle with the fact that their kids are “spoiled” or feel like they are given everything on a silver platter. In fact, from the same Time article, 68 percent of parents think their own children are either “somewhat” or “very” spoiled.
Why is it Important to Teach Our Kids to Work?
Though it is easy to think that we as parents somehow had it “harder” than our children do today, these types of numbers do indicate that children today are experiencing less responsibility or are required to do less than children from generations before. When children have little responsibility they have more leisure time. This leaves more room for them to develop other, less productive, activities to engage in and also promotes laziness. All of these things can lead to huge detriments for children and their likelihood of succeeding in the future.
It is vital to give children responsibility and it needs to start at a young age. You may think that a 4 year old is not old enough to be required to do chores. However, it is very common and highly suggested that even younger children have daily tasks that are required of them. Brushing your teeth, showering, picking up toys after being used, putting your own dishes in the sink after dinner, and eating vegetables are good ideas of simple tasks for those not yet old enough to engage in other, more difficult chores.
Breaking the Laziness Cycle
If you have started late in teaching your children to work, it may be a bit more of a struggle to break the habit of laziness. Many parents are scraping and clawing trying to come up with ideas of how to help their children get off the couch and stop playing video games. If you are having difficulty motivating your child to do simple chores or take on other responsibilities around the house or, with teenagers, trying to get them to find a job, here are a few bits of advice that you may want to consider.
1. Don’t Give Them Everything They Want
It’s easy to fall into a habit of providing things for our kids when they are in need. “Dad, my friends and I are going to go to the movies tonight, can I have $20?” “I need new shoes for basketball.” These are very common questions and statements from children and there are millions of others that are geared for the same end result, you giving them what they want. It is a good idea if you are struggling to get your kids to work, to cut them off from this to some degree and require that they start earning some of the things they enjoy having.
My Job Chart offers a free online chore chart where you can customize rewards for your children. When they earn enough points, they can cash them in for prizes, money, or any other reward that you set up with them. You decide the chore and the points, and they can decide how to use their points. This is a great tool for teaching kids to work
2. Reward Your Kids
Piggy-backing off the previous statement, it is very important to offer incentives for your children to do work. It goes hand in hand with not providing everything for them for free. Once you cut them off from the source of the things they need, they are required to work for it. It is important to reward them for their work. No one wants to do work for free. Incentives are a necessary part of motivation.
3. Show Them How to Work
It is important that you do not just simply “tell” your children what they “have” to do. This is often met with a negative response and it is less likely that they will do what they have been told. If they do end up conceding, they will not enjoy the work and they will more than likely give a half hearted effort and not take away the value of the job that they could have otherwise.
Teach your children “how” to work. Work alongside them on outdoor projects. Build a play house “with” them. Teach them how to use different tools. Let them hold the flashlight for you while you change the oil on your car or change the tire. Teaching your children simple life skills will be a benefit to them and will help them understand the value of being able to accomplish tasks by themselves.
4. Let Your Kids Know They are Needed
Everyone wants to feel like they are part of something. Kids want to feel useful to their parents. We need to let them know that we really NEED their help (even if we really don’t). It may be WAY easier for you to stir the hamburger helper by yourself or to just take over and set the table. It may be more hassle than it’s worth to try and force your 13 year old son to unload the laundry and fold the clothes. However, it is essential that you take a back seat at times and have your children help. Work alongside them but let them work. Let them help and teach them that they really are helping.
Any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated. Let us know your success stories or your struggles through the comment section below. We can all learn from each other when we work together.