Parenting Tips Blog

Critical Lessons to Teach Your Children

November 24th, 2011 - Category: General Parenting

Last night I had a dream. I dreamed that I was the cashier of a buffet-style school cafeteria. The children who came to the cafeteria had to pay just thirty cents for their meal. Now, in the dream, most the children didn’t have the money. They would approach me with a dime they had found in the streets or three pennies they had been saving.

I woke up before I learned whether or not I admitted the hungry children to pass. But the dream got me thinking. Then, on a television show later in the day, I learned that 1 in 4 children in America don’t know where their next meal is going to come from.

As a parent, I’m grateful for the ability to provide for my children. I’m grateful my children have never gone to bed hungry or cold. I hope I can be a safe resource for them no matter how old they get. But I also hope my children learn to care for themselves and their own families. I don’t want my grandchildren to ever experience hunger. And I think, if I teach them the right lessons now, my children will be able to live comfortably with their own families.

Remember, I’m just a parent like you, but here are the lessons I believe parents should teach their children:

To work. This should be a given…that we teach our children how to work. But more and more I see teenagers who were never expected to clean their bedrooms or make a meal. You can bet they’ve never found their name on a chore chart.

Now, in most cases, the parents of these kids are able to provide their kids with every needed comfort. But what if they couldn’t? And do they plan on supporting their children forever? Teaching a child how to work, giving them a list of chores to do, is important for helping them learn how to succeed.

To be grateful. Doesn’t work (and for your children, chores) seem to go a lot easier when you are a grateful individual. Rather than lament about the things we don’t have, teach your children to be grateful, to take care of their possessions, and to contribute to your family.

Feeling grateful instead of having feelings of entitlement will help your children to be more responsible with money, buy things they can afford, and be happy whether they are driving around in a used car or new car. Help your children learn gratitude by reinforcing how fortunate they are and frequently expressing gratitude for the things you have.

To be charitable. The bottom line is…children are going to bed hungry at night. As a society, we have an obligation to help when we can. Especially because you never know when you or your children may need the charity of someone else.

With MyJobChart.com, children can choose charities to donate to. Each of the charities we have listed is there because we believed in their cause. The more we do for others, the more that comes back to ourselves.

The holidays are coming and it’s an easy time to ignore chores or to dismiss your children from completing them. But these three lessons need to be reinforced as often as possible. Plus, the holidays are a great time to help your children with gratitude and reinforce the value of work.

My children are going to make their own decisions about where they end up in life. But what I can do for them is prepare them for the future. Give them the comforts of life now and make sure they have all the skills they need to take care of their own future.

What To Do With All That Halloween Candy

November 1st, 2011 - Category: General Parenting

Pillowcases. Your children have brought home pillowcases of candy. And now you’ve got to figure out what to do with it. As a good parent you don’t want them eating whatever they want when they want. On the other hand, they’ve worked hard to get that candy and Halloween only comes around once a year.

So how do you find the middle ground between letting them make their own choices and helping them retain self-control?

“Tricks” to Try…

Sometimes parents have to be tricky about the way they handle things. You don’t want to get into power-struggles or arguments with your kids. That doesn’t mean you have to give in to what they want. Simply avoid the situation altogether. Here’s how:

-Encourage the sorting of candy. Think back to when you were out trick or treating. You loaded up your bag and then hurried home to sort the good candy from the not-so-good candy. If you encourage this behavior in your child, it stops them from immediately digging into that huge lot of sugar.

-Load them up on their favorite dinner. Somehow, you’ve got to combat the sugar your kids will be eating. Why not prepare their favorite meal on Halloween night – before they head out for empty calories? Hopefully they’ll load up on good food and eat only a minimal amount of junk.

-Ask them to share. With an entire bag of candy, your child is not likely to turn you down if you ask for a sample. Ask as often as you think about it and slowly you’ll help diminish that pile. Whether you eat what you take or not is up to you.

Talk About It…

-Suggest your child make it last. You’ve been teaching your children responsibility with chores and money. Why not share the same techniques with treats. Encourage your child to eat only a few pieces each day. That way they have something sweet every day for several weeks instead of just a few days.

-Control the distribution. You’re not a bad parent if you confiscate the candy. If you have smaller kids, this is not the time to just give them what they want. Sure, they earned the candy. And you don’t have to be a candy warden. Just tell your kids they have to ask if they want a piece. Give it to them when they want it, but chances are they’re going to forget its there.

Is candy something to argue about? Even one day a year? Absolutely. If you’ve worked hard to help your child develop good habits, you don’t want those broken just because it’s a holiday. And too much sugar can have some serious affects on your child – even if they only eat too much on occasion.

Whatever you do, find a way to make the Halloween holiday an enjoyable one for sugar-hungry children and yourself.

How to Help Kids Maintain Good Grades Without Bribing Them

August 3rd, 2011 - Category: General Parenting

For many of you, summer is still going strong. But here in the great state of Arizona, our children have already returned to school. And naturally, with a new school year, parents are gearing up, hoping this year they don’t have to battle with their children over maintaining good grades.

As a kid, I was always jealous of the students who got money based on how good their grades were. I thought my parents should adopt the same system. As a parent of six children, who all managed to bring home decent grades, that idea didn’t sound appealing anymore. I couldn’t stand the thought of forking out money for the number of A’s and B’s my children brought home.

So today, we want to give you a few ideas for encouraging good grades without bribing your kids.

First, encourage your students to join sports teams. At most middle and high schools, students have to maintain a C average in order to participate in sports. If your children have a genuine interest in participating, they’ll do what it takes to keep their grades up and still enjoy the benefits of being on a team.

Furthermore, many of your children’s teachers will notify you if your children are at risk for losing sports privileges. Sometimes, when your students are failing, you hear nothing about it until it’s too late (or nearly too late) to do anything about it.

Second, add reading and other school projects to your child’s chore chart. For many kids, organization is their biggest challenge in school. Not remembering to complete book reports or research papers could seriously affect their grades. But it’s not uncommon for many of these assignments to slip your child’s mind. If it’s on the chore chart, they won’t forget…and neither will you.

You may want to add reading to your child’s chore chart as well. Research has shown that the more a child reads, the better they do in school overall. But not every child is going to choose to pick up a book. If one of their chores includes reading for twenty minutes a day, you are helping them gain valuable skills and knowledge.

Third, start a college fund and frequently talk to your children about the value of their education. For many kids, a few words of encouragement are all they need to try their best. Your children want to know that you’re proud of them and you have high expectations of them and their future. By creating a college fund, your child is more likely to see a reason for performing well in school.

Nagging rarely works, but if you take the time to talk to your kids about their education, you may be surprised at how readily they respond. And spend part of your time together discussing what they learn. They may find school much more interesting if they have someone to share their new knowledge with.

I’m not saying that you can’t bribe your students with good grades. If that works in your family, by all means, do it. Education is important no matter what you devices you have to employ. But if you can get away without losing all your cash, that may be a better route to go.

Helping Children Pay for Mistakes

July 19th, 2011 - Category: General Parenting

A friend of mine is disabled and so uses a specially modified car to get around. The car includes a hydraulic system that opens the passenger side door and lowers a ramp. That way, this man can easily get in and out of the car in his wheelchair.

The other day, a passenger in the car decided to “test” the ramp. He wanted to see if the ramp would hold his weight as it went up. So he pressed the automated button that lifts the ramp and jumped on. Not only did the ramp break, but the hydraulic system was destroyed as well.

Here’s the thing…the passenger was an adult. An adult who ought to have known better. But in a moment of stupidity, this man did $215 worth of damage. Damage he’ll have to pay for.

Now, as you know, your children are also going to make mistakes. They are going to break things, lose things, and create messes. And sometimes, when those accidents happen, it’s not going to be at your house.

Well, unless you’re a ridiculously generous parent, you’re children won’t have $215 lying around to pay for their mistakes. So how do you help your kids pay for their mistakes when they are financially unable to do so?

Our suggestion is that you do what you can to have them work off the damage. This does not mean that you start putting their allowance toward the mistake. It does not mean that you give extra money for the chores you’re child is already responsible for completing. It means that you give them chores or work above and beyond what they typically complete.

Determine the value of the extra chores you assign your child. And try to find chores that you and your family don’t typically do. Otherwise, you’re going to have cross over between the “work it off” chores and standard chores.

You could…have your son or daughter wash the windows. It’s something most of us only do once or twice a year. Or hire someone else to do. So tally up how much you would pay a professional window washer, and put that amount toward paying off the mistake.

Another idea might include pruning the trees in the yard. Instead of hiring a landscaper or spending your whole weekend working on trees, give that responsibility to your child. Decide what it would have cost you to pay a landscaper and put that money toward the mistake.

If the damage your child has done far exceeds what they would typically do in extra chores, you may consider giving your child a small amount of money for each job they do and then putting the rest toward repairing the damage.

Hopefully, your children never destroy anything. And the only chores they do are the chores they are assigned on a regular basis. But, if adults can make bad choices or make mistakes, you can bet your children will as well.

Don’t mess up your existing chore chart and don’t let your child off the hook. Give them the chance to take responsibility for their own actions.

Teaching Children Charity

June 27th, 2011 - Category: General Parenting

Ego-centrism could arguably be one of the worst problems facing today’s youth. And it may be affecting how willing your children are to do their chores and otherwise contribute to your family. When asked to do chores or help around the house, are these common phrases:

It’s not fair – you make me do everything.

Why do I have to do it? Why can’t someone else do it?

I didn’t make the mess, why should I have to clean it up?

If this is something you’re hearing on a regular basis, it may be time to teach your children to be more charitable. If given the chance to see how those less fortunate live, your child is likely to complain less and help more.

Too often, they get caught up in their own lives and focus only on what they have or don’t have. It’s difficult for them to comprehend that they might actually be very fortunate. Charitable acts and donations will give them a realistic perception of their own lives. And it’s not tough to come up with ways to teach charity.

1)      When cleaning out closets, bag up old clothes, books, and other items that can be taken to a donation center. Then take your child with you when you make that stop.

2)      Arrange a service project for a birthday or family get-together and get the entire family to join in.

3)      Take your kids to volunteer somewhere they may enjoy. For example, a teen who likes children could read to kids at a Battered Women’s Shelter.

4)      Encourage your junior high and high school age children to get involved in service clubs at school.

5)      Donate gently used items to someone in your neighborhood who needs extra help – and take your kids with you when you go.

Teaching your children charity will help them become better, more well-rounded adults. It will teach them life-lessons they may otherwise miss the chance to learn.

Now, some may say that charity is a religious-based virtue and not necessarily a value that everyone believes in. However, there are several benefits to giving charity that have nothing to do with religion or spiritual feelings. They include:

• Tax breaks from the government
• A chance to pay it forward
• Scholarship opportunities (for volunteer work to charities)
• Helps develop fiscal responsibility
• Provides psychological benefits

So whether the motive is character development or you’re looking for more secular benefits, they exist and are well worth the time your children spend in developing this habit.

If you haven’t created your own myjobchart.com account, now would be a great time. One of the choices in how to “spend” the points your children earn is to donate to charity. Sign up today and find out how this works as part of teaching kids to be responsible.

Use Chore Time to Reinforce Positive Traits in Your Children

April 5th, 2011 - Category: General Parenting

As a parent, there are certain traits you’d certainly like your children to develop. But between school, extra-curricular activities, homework, and friends, how much time do you actually have to observe and reinforce positive traits in your children? Probably not a lot.

So you’ve got to seize the opportunity whenever it occurs. And chores are one of the consistencies that you actually have the chance to observe. So why not use chore time as a time to build your child’s character?

For example:

Your child’s chore is to vacuum the house. One day you notice the child has moved the furniture so they can vacuum under it. After they complete their job, be sure to mention it. You could say something like, “Thanks for getting under the furniture. It shows me you’re committed to doing your work well.”

Your child may roll their eyes, but they’ll be glad you noticed their extra effort. And they’ll be more willing to do it again in the future.

You notice a child, whose chore it is to wash the dishes. Throughout the day, they encourage family members to put their dishes in the dishwasher. Then, when it comes time to complete their chore, only a few dishes are sitting in the sink. Think about the benefit of this behavior and mention it to your child.

Let your child learn that work done now pay off in the long run and maybe you can combat the natural instinct to procrastinate.

After coming home from school, your child takes the time to relax. But then, they receive a phone call and find themselves rushing from one activity to the next. It’s late when they get home, but they still complete their chores before heading off to bed. Now, maybe you wanted the chores done earlier in the day. But your child just displayed some real character.

Use this example with their chores to praise your child for their sense of responsibility.

One child experiences a particularly difficult day. To help them out, a brother or sister completes their chore for them and asks for nothing in return. If you let that one slip, you’re really doing your child a disservice.

Be sure you praise your child for jobs well done and any charitable acts they might complete.

On a day to day basis, your children are not going to do a perfect job. They may do the bare minimum just to get done. But on occasion, your children will surprise you. And that’s the time to say something.

It takes extra effort on your part, but watching the effort your children put into their chores will afford you the chance to help them develop their character.

2011 Parenting Resolutions

December 16th, 2010 - Category: General Parenting

Every year people make vows to change at the start of the new year. It is the nature of a new beginning. This year why not think about ways to improve your parenting? Perhaps in past years you have made a resolution to be a “better parent,” but what does that consist of? You need to set yourself some measurable goals.

• Tell your kids you love them. Maybe you do this already, but try to take more time to do so. Let them know each day so there isn’t any doubt.
• Try to laugh more. As a parent we tend to lose our ability to find the silly in situations that might cause our children to giggle. Try to not always be concerned with what is coming next and take the time to stop and laugh.
• Remember time isn’t always on our side. We get bogged down as parents with lots of busy schedules – ours and theirs. We can’t however slow down how quickly our children are growing. This year my 5 year old son is so into decorating for the holidays that it is making my husband crazy. His enthusiasm for the preparation is intense. We need to appreciate the phase he is at because in a few short years he may not even be interested in participating in the process.
• Listen to your gut. There is a plethora of parenting advice in this world of technology we live in. We can read about what is the best way to get our kids to learn to sleep, or to eat healthy foods, or to hang out with the right crowd. However, at some point you need to just relax and go with what your gut tells you for that particular child. Remember that your instincts are usually pretty good. Trust yourself.
• Purge some of the old stuff to make room for the new. This always makes everyone feel better in the long run, even though most likely your children will grumble and complain as you go through the process. Explain that now that they have new gifts they need to weed out some of the old things they no longer use. They can sell things at a yard sale if you want to turn it into a budgeting experience, or they can give things to charity. Either way it is a good lesson to experience. Do this with your own things as well.
• Make time for you and your spouse. It isn’t healthy to put all your time into your kids whether you are married or single. You need to carve out some time for YOU! Set it into your calendar. It will make the whole family happier.
• Remember that your children are blessings not chores. Ever hear the expression “Life is how you look at it”? The same is true of parenting. There are plenty of people who view parenting as work rather than joy. It is both no doubt, but try to concentrate on the rewards. There is no greater love than parenting.

Being a Parent | What It Takes and Why It’s Worth It

May 12th, 2010 - Category: General Parenting

What does it take to be a parent? A lot of young people do not fully realize the great responsibility of being a parent. It’s easy to say to kids that they, “just don’t understand” or, “when you grow up you’ll finally realize what I had to go  through for you.” It’s true that children may not at first appreciate all that goes into raising a family.

In this same light, it stands to reason that parents need to really know what it takes to be a parent. Whether you are preparing to be the guardian of your first born or you are a mother of 7, it’s important to review some of the key traits of good parents. I’ve asked our facebook and twitter fans what they feel it takes to be a parent and have received some great responses. I’ve summarized all of them into just three categories Love, Encouragement, and Patience.

Love

It’s easy to love your kids when they are young, cute, and innocent. What about when they don’t always do what you would like them to do? What if they consistently rebel and don’t want anything to do with the advice you offer?

Unconditional love means you love your kids regardless of what they do. It’s important to keep this in mind when times are hard to help you see the big picture. Remembering past experiences and times when your child made you happy/proud can really help you love them during times when you are not so pleased with them.

Encouragement

I think sometimes we mistake encouragement for telling or trying to force kids to do certain things. This is not the type of encouragement I’m talking about. The type of encouragement that it takes to be a parent is the type that empowers and instills self-assurance in kids.

Kids need to be told they are good in order to develop self-worth. You really need to find something to praise your kids for everyday. It needs to be done individually and sincerely. “Kelly, way to go on your grades girl!” “Mike, your such a good son. I love you. Thanks for taking out the trash today.” Just some ideas

Patience

After the 1 millionth diaper change you might start to get a glimpse of what being patient really means. Patience really is a virtue and it takes patience to be a parent regardless of how obedient/disobedient your children are.

Being a parent means being patient with the growing/learning process of you kids. You can’t expect them to read at age 2 just like you can’t expect your secretary to be able to change the exhaust manifold on your car. It’s not yet in their repertoire. Usain Bolt didn’t step onto the track for the first time and run a 9.58 second 100 meter dash. These things take time and patience.

Being patient with your children will help you love and praise them easier and they will, in turn, develop faster (ironic?).

Why It’s Worth It To Be A Parent

1.Rediscovering the world through your child’s eyes.

2. The feeling of your little child falling asleep in your arms at night.

3. You get to watch a life grow and blossom

4. The sense of accomplishment when you see your child succeed at something he/she loves

5. You hear the words, “I love you mom.”

6. Your kids make you feel like a kid again

7. They eventually go to sleep at night

8. _____________ (left blank intentionally… feel in your favorite reason and tell your son/daughter that you love them)

My Job Chart is a FREE online chore chart that teaches kids to work in a fun and productive way. Try My Job Chart Today and don’t forget to subscribe to our blog for more parenting articles.